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UnMarioWiki:Other Stuff/Guides for Dummies/Knowing the Difference between a Mario Game and Real Life for Dummies
Sometimes, dummies play Mario games for too long, so that when they stop playing, they don't know that they're not in a Mario game anymore. This can lead to dangerous situations, because people may think you're crazy, and the people with the suits may take you away. Fortunately, this guide can help you! Things to Keep in Mind When Playing Mario Games * Always remember to stop playing if you go blind. * If your mom yells at you to stop playing, you should stop playing before she takes out a belt and spanks your bottom. * If you are playing a handheld game and you have lost the ability to look up, stop playing immediately and seek medical help. * If you have to go to the bathroom, stop playing, or else you might accidentally make a doo-doo in your pants. TIP FOR DUMMIES: Making a doo-doo in your pants is bad. It smells unpleasant and ruins your chances of getting a girlfriend for the next nine years. STORIES FROM THE DUMMIES: A guy named Mac Bailey says that he once made a doo-doo in his pants when he was playing, and everyone made fun of him for it! This advice should keep you from spending too much time playing Mario. But, if you DO spend too much time playing and you don't know the difference between real life and the game, go on to part two. How to Tell If You're in Real Life * Try jumping on the nearest turtle. If it pops out of its shell and you see it crawling away, wearing a T-shirt and boxers, then you're in a Mario game. If you end up crushing it, then you're in real life and you're facing criminal animal cruelty charges. STORIES FROM THE DUMMIES: A girl whose name was Susan Schultz once tried jumping on a turtle, and it bit her pinky toe off. She urges you to be careful when doing this. * Walk over to the nearest rampaging gorilla that you see. If it throws a barrel at you, you're in a Mario game. If it simply crushes your skull with its fists, then you're in real life. * Try standing under a cloud. If a Lakitu starts throwing spiky-balls at you, then you're in a Mario game. If you simply get struck by lightning, then you're in real life. * Try pounding the ground with your butt. If you experience severe pain, then you're in real life. TIP FOR DUMMIES: If you do experience pain after stomping your butt on the ground, call for help from someone who won't make fun of you. Less Painful Ways to Tell If You're in Real Life If you want to know if you're in a Mario game or not without losing a limb, try these techniques . . . * Go out and play in a soccer game. When someone has the ball, punch them out of the way and steal it. If you get a red card, then you're in real life. TIPS FOR DUMMIES: If you're in real life and playing soccer, always beware of people who have been playing Mario for too long. They may hit you, like in the aforementioned scenario, or, they may try to push you into an electric fence, do a Super Strike, or insist that one of their shots was worth two points. * Take a look at your butt. If there's a raccoon tail hanging out, you're either extremely weird or playing a Mario game. STORIES FROM THE DUMMIES: Danny Johnson says that once, he saw a raccoon tail hanging out of his butt, but it turned out he was in real life! Fortunately, he contacted the medical doctors, and they were able to make him a normal person again. * Try messing with the plumbing system in your house. If the pipes warp you somewhere when you jump into them, then you're in a Mario game. If not, you're in real life. * Pick up a coin. If you hear a cool sound effect, you're in a Mario game. If not, you're in real life. * Eat a mushroom on the ground. If you double in size, your in a Mario game. If not, seek medical help. Not all items do the same in Real-Life Also see: Items for Dummies Every item in the Marioverse does NOT the same as the itens in Real-Life: * Mushroom - Instead of growing, you get poisoned. * Goomba Shoe - If you hop in an big, green shoe with wings, it doesn't hop when you move. * Koopa Shell - Already seen a turtle in an blue shell? If so: Already IN the shell? If so: run. Does the shell protect you? If not, it is not the same. * Fire Flower - Fiction. Have you (in Real-Life) EVER seen a Fire Flower? No. * Star - If you see a star in the sky, DO NOT go in an rocket that leads to the star. Too dangerous. And if you pick an star, instead of getting invincible, your hands burn. * Feather - Feathers come from birds, they don't give you a yellow cape and they don't give you the power to fly. * Leaf - Leaves come from trees, they don't give you a raccoon tail, nor do they give you the power to fly. Conclusion Hopefully, these tips will help you determine whether or not you're playing Mario or not. Sorry if this guide gets you arrested or physically hurt; this wiki has a tendency to endanger children from time to time. Category: For Dummies